I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
