If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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