i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
