Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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