Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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