i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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