I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
