mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize