You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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