He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
