she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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