Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
