Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
