Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
