i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my being single is dangerous.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
