Will you blow on my dice?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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