He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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