we have pet lesbian snakes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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