Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
