she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
