This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
