My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize