trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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