A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
