I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
