found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
