I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The uberlube is also flammable
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
