***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
