Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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