So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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