Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
