she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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