Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
