Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
