i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
