I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
