Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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