oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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