Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I smell like Dick and happiness
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
