So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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