he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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