When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
