Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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