the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
