I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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