Define "chronic" masturbator.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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