I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
