i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
