my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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