My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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