oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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