They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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