So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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