I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
