I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
