State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
