My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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