it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
