ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize