Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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