I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
