yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize