threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
