He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
