whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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