dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
