thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
