I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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