How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
