I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
