My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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