she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
