I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
