So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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