he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
