I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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