I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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