evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
