If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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