if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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