Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
