Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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