Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
